September

Septembers have always been hard for me in relation to dealing with PTSD and anxiety. There is so much to be said for someone who can stand by your side when you’re hurting and make you feel like it’s ok to not be okay.

There are always hills and valleys in life and when you can find someone to talk through it all with, suddenly the downs don’t seem so deep and the highs are in the clouds.

Unfortunately, Brad was not that person. When things got rough for me, he deemed it too much to handle and left.

You don’t get to hill jump and avoid the valleys. You have to take one with the other and work through it. Grow through it.

Often I hear of couples growing apart and I get it, it happens. But what about those that choose to grow together?

Relationships are never perfect. I try to be patient and understanding in every new relationship because I know it’s all new for me and for the other person. How often do you find a 30 year old widow? (actually more often then you’d think but that besides the point)

Long story short, I was blindsided and while I wish him well, there will be no lasting friendship from it.

I will continue to keep an open mind because I’m not one to write off a chance at love again. I want to love and be loved but again, I am in no rush. I will no longer be outwardly seeking via online. I am over it. Love is such a beautiful thing when you can share it with someone who appreciates it. Here’s to hoping and keeping the faith that God’s plan has love in it.

I will admit I’d like to find love sooner than later but good things come to those who wait so I will simply put on my big girl panties and forge fires like I always do. I have got no time to dwell on something that didn’t work. Instead, I’ll spend my energy on things that do work while continuing to make forward progress in my studies, self care, and ability to be the best mom to these kids.

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