Dancing in the Mine Fields

This world is strange, days can be crazy but life is beautiful. It is so easy to focus on the negative especially when the world is shaking. I will admit, I’ve had some pretty hard days. Mentally, physically, and emotional exhausted. The world is not all rainbows and butterflies but there is still beauty in every situation. God never said it would be easy but He vowed to be there through it all. Even when it’s hard to see, be still and know.

It has been strange for me to FEEL when I often think I’m dead inside. It’s as if I want to cry but have forgotten how. I am learning to feel again. Not an easy thing when I’ve welded my armor together in hopes no-one can penetrate and see the pain inside. However, when you shut out negative feelings, positive ones often go with it because you can’t separate the two. It’s like a light switch to turn them on and off. Sometimes I turn off my feelings out of fear of the unknown. Life is hard but we can’t lose feeling or we are merely pawns in life.

It has been crazy and chaotic with new jobs, college ending, camping season, relationship trials, two crazy kids that each bring joy and their own kind of crazy and just the way the world is right now. It is crazy to see the world now and sometimes I do not know how we got here but all I can do is educate myself and the kids to become better people and love everyone.

Take a deep breath. No really, deep breath…….

This life is chaotic, stressful, crazy, strange and beautiful. Believe there is good. Life is harder than I ever dreamed of as a kid but it’s still pretty beautiful. It’s all in how you look at it. So take time to yourself, take chances and don’t be afraid to FEEL (even if it’s scary).

Pandemic Dating

You’ve heard of speed dating but have you heard of pandemic dating? Well, now you have folks! Shortly after my last entry, a pandemic took over the world. Not exactly ideal times to begin a relationship however, he is still hanging around!

The pandemic has brought about so many changes in the way we do things. All schools went to distance learning which meant Amelia is now home and I became a teacher! Not my ideal job however, the extra time with Amelia has been kind of nice…. when she listens…

My job, like many, was essentially eliminated temporarily because as a school nurse sub, you only work when they need you. Well, school is out therefor my job is out too. Thankfully, with my online business of promoting DNA specific vitamins, we have managed to stay afloat. The other nice thing is schools around here still hand out breakfast and lunch for students which saves me and many others quite a bit on groceries.

I wont talk too much about the pandemic because this site is to be anything but political. I will say, the pandemic has raised fear in society and although our stay at home orders continue to be extended, there’s still a whole lot of good going on out there and many more reasons to be grateful for even the smallest of things.

Back to this pandemic dating, its different. Thankfully, we have Facetime! Which, he was not a fan of to begin with but eventually it became a nightly thing and we read to each other. That’s only weird because I’ve never been a “reader” but it somehow worked and forced us to become closer.

We have managed to stay distant and quarantine for weeks at a time however, we made the decision to see one another over Easter. It was then he decorated an egg to say “I Love You”. If you know me, you can already imagine my awkward reaction! It was a sweet way of expressing it. It made our later Facetime calls far less awkward because it was as if when we signed off prior, the words were dying to come out but neither one wanted to say it first or over Facetime. So, there we were decorating eggs with Amelia, he seized the moment and caught me off guard!

Dating in general is a learning process. It isn’t easy and it’s downright frustrating at times. Add in a pandemic and you’d think failure was around the corner yet, here we are, still making it work. It would have been easier to say “hey, catch ya on the flip side when this is over” but neither one of us were willing to do that.

Now, let me preface this with the above section has been sitting in my drafts for weeks!

So much can change in such a short time and although life continues to change it has all been for the best. Stressful, but wonderful.

With school officially out for the summer, Amelia was able to join Gabriel at daycare. Stay at home orders are being lifted so Dan and I were able to get an actual day date in amid the chaos. I started a new job which takes up a good chunk of my energy but I know I’m making a difference so I keep showing up. Dan will graduate residency in 3 weeks and at the same time, I will complete my FINAL nursing course for my bachelor’s program! It’s been interesting living life and dating through a pandemic but it has made my relationship with the kids, myself, and Dan a whole heck of a lot stronger so even though the uncertainty caused stress, we seem to be doing alright.