Again we are in dismay as 2 years have passed. We released balloons at your grave, went to church, and shared a dinner.
It was nothing spectacular as this year seemed harder than the first and we were all emotionally exhausted. It’s exhausting missing you everyday.
This year I wished I could have had time alone with alcohol and a punching bag because my anger over losing you was at the forefront. Instead, I continued with the usual order of remembrance for the kids and your family.
It’s really hard to put into words just how hard it is living everyday missing you.
We have ups and we have downs and somewhere sprinkled in between and all around is the missing you.
We all do our own small things to remember you and we all talk about you regularly.
It still hurts when Amelia asks, “Why did God take my Daddy?” and it always will. Kids look to their parents for answers and I will never be able to answer this. I won’t even be able to fake my way through an answer. It hurts. I think about all of the things she will miss out on with her daddy. Donuts with dads, Daddy-Daughter dances, piggy back rides, hunting, fishing and baking pumpkin pies. She loves to bake and she makes the perfect little helper although when M&Ms are involved you’ll find some making their way out of the bowl 😉
It also hurts when she tells Gabriel, “Daddy died before you were born but he still loves you”. At least she isn’t wrong. Josh does love him and we all believe Josh met Gabriel before we did. How else could I have been given such an incredible little boy?
The kids are growing like weeds. Life keeps me on my toes. Amelia enjoys gymnastics, Gabriel is finding his voice. I am still trying to figure out who I am without you and sprinkled everywhere and all around is us missing you.
The week before your angelversary, I volunteered at a golf tournament for a local Fraternal Order of Police just like I did the year before. This year was different though as they incorporated local fallen Law Enforcement from years past. It was so great to see your face, speak your name , and be surrounded by others who will also, never forget you.
I continue to volunteer and sponsor a day of programming on our local christian station in your honor. We miss you so much.
Your angelversary comes just before your annual family camping trip to Itasca and so I continue to gear up for that too. I am sure it will be filled with shenanigans and fun but boy is it tough getting ready for. Not just the physical labor of getting the camper packed but the emotional preparation of attending your favorite time of year without you. I am sure tequila shots will be had, many will over eat, the bat will makes it’s way around and sprinkled in between and all around, will be us missing you.