I can’t believe our baby turned 4!! We spent the week having celebrations with all the different families but the biggest party was at home. “Donut Grow Up” themed. Amelia LOVES going to the bakery with Papa and so we decided to have a donut party! I devoured way more than my allotted calorie intake for the day….no regrets!
It’s a bitter sweet day for multiple reasons. Feb 18th is the day my friend Amie passed away from Pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed months before Josh was diagnosed and died mere months before Josh died. I look at how our lives paralleled and its heart breaking. I stand where her husband stands and witness him do what I do in not only keeping our spouses memory alive, but giving our kids the best live we can. I know how much it hurts to lose a spouse and every February 18th, I sent them extra prayers for strength, love and hope.
This year was also bitter sweet because I realize that as Amelia gets older, she gets further away from the amount of time she had with her dad. By the time she turns 5, she will have lived longer than the amount of time that Josh was her daddy.
But its also amazing to watch your kids grow. She is growing into the most amazing little girl. She is beyond helpful and affectionate towards baby brother Gabriel and she just loves the title “Big Sister”
She often says off the wall things and can be inquisitive to the point of annoyance, but I love her still.
Amelia is my sour patch kid. She is sour for a short while and then is full of sweetness. It’s the sweet side that makes up for the sour and either way, I know, it won’t last forever.
She still wants to snuggle mom, dance, and build things etc and I do my best to always be present. I want her to remember that even though mom cried, she laughed too.
It’s not easy raising kids let alone after your spouse died. Every new thing you wish they were there to see but then you’re reminded when they say or do something that you wouldn’t, it was probably their dad whispering in their ear to do so just to drive me nuts.
Amelia will often pause for a moment just to say, “Mommy, I love you”. That carries me more than she will ever know.
I don’t always know if I’m doing it right and often, I doubt my abilities but that one sentence, those four words, they are my strength.
Amelia turns 4 and she continues to impress me with her resilience, her compassion, and her thought process. My lovely sour patch kid that I adore and appreciate every second of every day. Donut grow up so fast because mommy enjoys these days and I know it wont be like this for long.